Lately, in the midst of mothering intensities and the supermoon madness, I found myself yearning for a time out at the Ramanasramam or maybe a spot at Vipassana or maybe month long master plant dieta. Silence, isolation, inner expansiveness.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
For so many years my spiritual practice was a time + space of going all in, of deep dives, multiple onion layers peeled at once, total commitment, all encompassing orientation towards remembering who I truly am.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
It took me a while to understand that Uma Rose isn’t taking anything from me in this realm, that - if anything - her presence brings (or at times drags) me so so so much closer to who I came here to be. That in the mirror of her pure innocent divine presence, I not only see God, but also see the reflection of my own innocent divinity. Her radiance reminds me of my own.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
The space of mothering led me to a whole new understanding of my spiritual practice. One that isn’t based in intensity + sacrifice. One that isn’t about locking myself off and away from the world to go inwards. One that isn’t about giving anything up in order to gain something else. Perhaps, thanks to Uma, I discovered the true essence of Tantra - a practice that is so embedded in every day living, every day being, every day sensing and feeling and experiencing that just being alive is it.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Knowing God as I bathe my child, as I cook a meal for her, as we giggle, as we read, as she touches my face and gives me a kiss, as I feel like I’m about to lose it, as I’m exhausted and stretched, as I fantasize about being at an ashram.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
The spiritual practice of simply being present in my every day life has become a new doorway to the awakening. Rather than believing in the paradigm of having to give anything up, needing to take space, I now embrace being present IN THE MIDST of it all. Breathing, feeling, sensing, aware of my emotions, of my felt sense, of life pulsating through me. 🌝
