About a Miscarriage
The day after I went offline, I found out that I was pregnant. There are no words to describe how that felt - so unexpected and so welcome. My body began to change, with it my emotions + moods, things aching, swelling, nausea creeping up. I had an instant connection with this child, feeling it deeply in me. I shared our happy news with all my beloveds, couldn’t wait to meet this starseed.
And then I miscarried. One day mothering a new life inside of me, another day a mother no more. Even though it was early first trimester, this was an incredibly painful process - both physically and emotionally. So much grief had to move through me before I arrived at a place of peace + understanding. I was held so deeply by women who offered me a safe space - no opinions, no advice, no judgements. A loving care and presence, womb to womb, holding me in listening while I cried and tried to make sense of it all.
It made me wonder, why sharing that we are pregnant early on is such a taboo. Why so many women wait until it’s “safe” to let others know that they are mothering? Is it ever truly safe? I felt blessed to have people around me who knew of my loss and could be there for me, who could hold my grief in their patient care, give me space + let me talk. It breaks my heart to think of all women who have to go through this solo or just with their partner, because no one else knows of their pregnancy.
I am surprised how common miscarrying is and how many of my friends know it. Statistics say that 20% of all pregnancies end in a miscarriage. Why aren’t we speaking about it? Why aren’t we honoring the mothers who carried life, even if “just” for two months? This pain and loss too are valid.
I feel peace + excitement to conceive again some day, but it was a powerful lesson. A peek into how strong we women are, how much we carry. A call to deeper trust and surrender. Each time I feel like, yep, I am so good at flowing, life reminds me not to take anything for granted. ❤️