Over the last years I have learned more from these voiceless teachers than I ever took from any school I’ve gone to. I have healed so far beyond what my recovery group meetings or therapy were able to support me with, once upon a time.
When I started working with Plant Spirits, I made a conscious choice to remove myself from the 12-step way of seeing life + addiction, and even farther away from the label of an “addict”. I felt free in Yoga. I felt free in ceremony. I read Gabor Maté, and he spoke to my heart. I sought profound personal freedom on my mat, and in each cup of the medicine.
And, very quickly, I remembered my own power to heal myself. To wake up. My right to live free. Away from the story binding me to some identity for the rest of my life, because of what’s happened in my childhood, or the poor choices I made in the past when acting from deep wounding. Me submitting to the lifelong bondage of these identities was so over with the first cup of Ayahuasca I ever drank.
I don’t believe “once an addict, always an addict” or that addiction is genetically inherent. I know of trauma and deep core wounds. And the breaking of the repetitive cycle of both by conscious stepping into my own experience and embodying all of its facets, present in the body, present in the heartspace, aware of my mind. Doing the work, here and now.
Today I am FREE. Six years free of any destructive substances in my body. Six years free of hurting myself while desperately searching for wholeness in all the wrong places. Free from an identity that meant forever living in a structure. Free to live my best life every moment of every day. Free to own my wounding and work towards its healing, therefore not needing to act out on it, in repetitive cycles of self-debilitating behavioral patterns.
As a race, we have so much to unlearn before we can dance spontaneously to the rhythm of our hearts. I am not telling you to quit what you do and run onto my path. Once upon a time 12-steps saved my life, but they simply stopped resonating with how I wanted to live. We all have our own paths, the way back to the Heart. Seek your personal freedom. It’s waiting for you. 🌿
